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09:21pm 21/06/2004
mood: artistic
I'm still here
I may have faded
But I'm still here and I'm still alive
And I'm feeling isolated
Sitting by you
I'm convinced
I've never felt more alone
Sitting by your side
I'm certain
I've never felt less loved
You continue- push me away
But I love you
And there's nothing left to say

But dont you hear me screaming silent:
I'm so alone
There's no one home for me to talk to
Lend me your heart your ear your hand
In hopes that I will walk away
With one more friend

I'm tired and lonely
I'm sad cold and hungry
Hungry for tears
That may never come
And in this God-forsaken house
I've never hated myself more
Than I swear
I've hated myself now
And here she comes
Walking down the hallway
Tears into her eyes
Looks like they came
Looks like they came
In fact,they've never let her down
They're not like you
The tears- they're not like you
They're salty now
Resting on her cheek
She may not feel so lonely
If they keep her company
But she does one thing
She does it well

But dont you hear her screaming silent:
I'm so alone
There's no one home for me to talk to
Lend me your heart your ear your hand
In hopes that I will walk away
With one more friend

She's everything I am.

(13 want to be movie stars got a dream?)

Operation by me   
04:56pm 21/06/2004
mood: distressed
I'm broken again today
I'll be first to admit
That I'm not okay
But I'm much too tired
So I'll just sit
And let the pain slowly drift away

Another self operation
I'm the nurse the doctor and the patient
Cut myself open
And let all the pain drain out
But I wont and I cant
Because they'd all find out
And they'd all be shamed
But isnt it a shame
To let a young girl's soul drift to hell
Over some stupid game?

And if I could swear
I'd swear that I've been calling your name
I've been jumping at your throat
To make you understand
But you dont and you wont
and I'll sigh and I'll cry
Just to get my way
But things never go my way
It's a wonder I'm still breathing sometimes
And I know I'm not okay

There isnt much I can do
I have to care for myself
Even though I could have sworn
You said I'd be able to rely on you

I was hoping you'd notice today
Take my hand & ask why I'm not breathing
I'm drowning in the airs of self doubt
But you close your eyes and sigh
And I know you cant wait to get away
I wish you knew the pain of suffocating on thoughts
And I wish you'd realize
We may only be here for another day
Why is it that boys like you
...they ALWAYS get their way?

Back in the operating room
The nurse whispers to me - sweet as can be
" Are you okay? "
But she knows, yes, she knows
She gives me the time
and in time I slip away.
I'm able to forget I'm able to breathe
But thoughts of you
Never fail to haunt me
So I pull up my knees to my chest
And I sigh and I cry
Cause you wont be there
You're already pushing me away
And I cry because I know
You cant wait to get away.

writen by me </3

(got a dream?)

new app. #3!   
05:58pm 05/06/2004
mood: frustrated

fOrget my nameCollapse )


(4 want to be movie stars got a dream?)

new app.   
05:40pm 05/06/2004

Sorry, I had to delete my previous app. bc I forgot about the 150x150 so here you go.

dont be a liar, dont say that everything's working, when everythings broken.Collapse )


(got a dream?)

stolen from twinklebaybe143   
08:20pm 03/06/2004
  Type your username using your..

nose:go0je3h9jkhgwy3os haha except NOT
elbow: b vlkon dedb oim b sxhedll
tongue: blondebbombdhellx <--- oh yeahh!
chin: bl,ko cd bk m xbdl,l x
feet :blondbombshellx <--- hell yeah
eyes closed and one finger: blondbombshells
back of my hand: blondombshrel.lx
palm: b l nde bl m bshnel.l. x2
wrist: l.o/ol nfde nlo m bsu4llx

yeah cause im a bitch like that!

(3 want to be movie stars got a dream?)

06:18pm 03/06/2004
mood: sneezy
I decided that I should update my blondbombshell more often. However if I dont update every once in awhile, feel free to check me out under sweetxdreamer21 because thats my other LJ name.

So lately, I'm feeling pretty shitty. School's ending soon, and Steve will be off to Italy July 1st. And then I'm gonna be home all summer. And then he's gonna come back and go to the Bahamas for a week. *sigh* I'm gonna miss him so much. But at least he'll be home all of June & all of August. and like 1.5 weeks in July. Right?

I'm feeling all sneezy and snotty today.

WTF. why does everyone think I'm conceited. Fuck 'em. Grrr

Being so random. I'm so effin tired. I fell asleep on the bus *uck* coming home.

And now I have to go hang out with my 'friends' tomorrow. yay for backstabbers!

waahhh i need my boyfriend.

<3 laur

ps. addicted to rating communities =\ such a dork. total dork

(5 want to be movie stars got a dream?)

05:50pm 30/05/2004
  next couple entries will be me-only bc im writing a story that i dont want anyne reading bc people are assholes and steal ideas lol. If anyone wants to read it when I'm thru with it in a couple months ( I hope) then you may comment here and state your reasons!!!

<3 Laur

(1 want to be movie stars got a dream?)

02:30pm 29/05/2004
mood: depressed
I love you
He's said it
But even he doesnt believe himself
He wonders if he does
She knows its not true
but she lies to herself
she knows his heart
she's known his lies
she knows he doesnt love her
it's tearing her apart
but she thinks its nice just to believe
even if it is just an empty lie
how does she tell him hes everything
her heart her mind her life?

(1 want to be movie stars got a dream?)

03:53pm 27/05/2004
  JOin le_beauty  Bitches <3  

(2 want to be movie stars got a dream?)